Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I just googled if crying burns calories
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
