You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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