I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
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His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
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Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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