Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
