Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
This baby is an asshole
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
