she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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