Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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