i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Acid is not a monday night drug
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
