I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize