I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize