Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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