so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
