and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
