If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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