they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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