So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
