I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
So much rum. So many feels.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
