Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
