im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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