I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
