You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
