Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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