i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
