I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
