i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
