The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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