I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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