Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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