Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
