Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
