At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
