she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
