I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize