I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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