Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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