he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
