I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
