I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
