Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
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