jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
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