i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You have to summon your inner elephant
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!