i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
