After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
