hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
lets start a swedish sibling band together
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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