I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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