This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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