no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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