I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
