Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
You know, be my cock's hype man.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
