shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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