Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
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Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
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You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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