i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
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