apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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