Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
