I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
