The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
PANTIES FOUND
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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