He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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