Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
