Define "chronic" masturbator.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
