She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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