he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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